20 Quotes about Abusive Control

Control comes in many forms including physical, sexual, and/or emotional/psychological abuse. It may involve controlling a person through finances, controlling their comings and goings, what they wear, how or when they speak, who they spend time with, what they do with their time, and so on. I’m not referring to parents who place healthy boundaries around their children out of love here. I’m talking about adult relationships and adult relationships with minors that involve a destructive or unhealthy force of control. Put simply, anyone who tries to exert strict control over another person in a way that is harmful or degrading is abusive. When a person restricts or restrains another’s freedom to think or act according to their own free will while squelching their individuality or dignity, it is control. Abuse is always about control.

Violence never belongs in relationships. Control does not equal love. -Dr. Lynne Namka

One of the prevalent features of life with an angry or controlling partner is that he frequently tells you what you should think and tries to get you to doubt or devalue your own perceptions and beliefs. -Lundy Bancroft

When people encounter controlling behavior, they often feel “erased”, as if, to the perpetrator, they don’t exist. -Patricia Evans

Controllers may target someone’s emotional, social, financial or physical well-being, but their most effective target is a person’s self-identity. -Mary Rose

If you make a man feel that he is inferior, you do not have to compel him to accept an inferior status, for he will seek it himself. -George G. Woodson

Emotional abuse exists apart from physical or sexual abuse, as incredibly destructive to an emerging sense of self. -Gregory L. Jantz, Ph.D

Power is embedded in our society and makes its way into relationships through control. -Mary Rose

The violence committed by a serial bully is almost entirely psychological, for psychological violence leaves no scars and no physical evidence. -Bully Online

Manipulators often know what buttons to push, when to do so and how hard to press. Our lack of self-awareness can easily set us up to be exploited. -George K. Simon

Covert aggression is at the heart of most manipulation. – George K. Simon

The aim of emotional abuse is to chip away at your feelings of self-worth and independence.

Her insecurity about herself and her idealization of him offer the perfect opening for his manipulation. -Dr. Robin Stern

…All forms of sexual manipulation carried out by the perpetrator with the intention or perceived intention to cause emotional, sexual, and physical degradation to another person. -M. Abraham

Whether you were emotionally abused as a child or an adult, the messages were meant to belittle, devalue, shame, and ultimately control. -Gregory L. Jantz, Ph.D

The objectives of serial bullies are power, control, domination and subjugation. -Bully Online

…An ongoing process in which one individual systematically diminishes and destroys the inner self of another. The essential ideas, feelings, perceptions, and personality characteristics of the victim are constantly belittled. -M. T. Loring

Abusive behavior and violence is a deliberate choice made by the abuser in order to control you. -Dr. Jeanne Segal

Sexual abuse includes behaviors that fall under legal definitions of rape, plus physical assaults to the sexual parts of a person’s body, and making sexual demands with which one’s partner is uncomfortable. -L. L. Marshall

One thing most abusive relationships have in common is that the abusive partner does many different kinds of things to have more power and control over their partners. -National Domestic Violence Hotline

Controllers have beliefs of entitlement that they get to do harmful things to others. -Dr. Lynne Namka

Anyone who tries to convince a woman that she is unworthy or deserves psychological, verbal, or physical abuse, is wrong and needs help. Even if a woman consents to acts of harmful aggressive physical or sexual behavior by another, it is still a form of violence and it is abuse.

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(c) By April McCallum, Destiny’s Women™ – “Championing the Life, Freedom & Destiny of Women”

Warning Signs & Red Flags: Abuse Defined

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15 Quotes about Suicide

Life ebbs and flows, and is forever changing. When darkness, pain, or despair feel like permanent companions, it’s important to remember, nothing ever remains the same forever. Darkness can lift. We can find relief from pain and sadness. And hope, though it may seem buried and no longer within reach, is still very much alive whether we feel it or not. Hold on because there are people that love you, dreams to chase, experiences and joys yet to be discovered, and most of all, because your life is a gift to you and the world, and it really does matter. Take courage… Choose life.

People never forget a friend or loved one who has succeeded in suicide. We carry it every day, not in the back of our minds, but in the center of our broken hearts. -Candace

Suicide is a desperate attempt to get out of what seems to be an intolerable situation. It appears to be a way of escape from the pain of living. -June Hunt

No one teaches you how to do this. How do you let go of someone who you love so much? -Kathy

When people kill themselves, they think they’re ending the pain, but all they’re doing is passing it on to those they leave behind. -Jeanette Walls

But in the end one needs more courage to live than to kill himself. -Albert Camus

I feel as though the carpet had been ripped right out from under me, and I have been left to pick up the pieces of a dream that would never be fulfilled. -Katrina

Sometimes even to live, is an act of courage. -Seneca

It’s hell. But it is survivable. You have to understand that and take ownership of it: suicidal feelings and behavior are survivable. -Suicide Survivor

To have him gone forever is a pain that will never go away. -Bethany

Those struggling with life-threatening thoughts do not feel connected to others. They feel all alone— even alone in the midst of a crowd. -June Hunt

I’m the girl nobody knows until she commits suicide. Then suddenly everyone had a class with her. -Tom Leveen

Did you really want to die?
No one commits suicide because they want to die.
Then why do they do it?
Because they want to stop the pain.
-Tiffanie DeBartolo

She will never know how much she is loved. -Desiree

When people are suicidal, their thinking is paralyzed, their options appear spare or nonexistent, their mood is despairing, and hopelessness permeates their entire mental domain. The future cannot be separated from the present, and the present is painful beyond solace. ‘This is my last experiment,’ wrote a young chemist in his suicide note. ‘If there is any eternal torment worse than mine I’ll have to be shown’. -Kay Redfield Jamison

At the split second I hit freefall, I didn’t want to die. What did I just do? The voices were gone. I was right there, facing ultimate death… I said God, please let me live. –Kevin Hines

Psychologist, Dr. Sheldon Solomon says: We all have the capacity to create meaning and to lead rich lives. This is a possibility that defies nationality, class, and culture. We can all get through dark times; we can choose life, and we can come out stronger in the process.

Resources:

For help, contact the Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) anytime 24/7, to be connected with a skilled, trained counselor at a crisis center in your area.

Learn More: American Foundation for Suicide Prevention

Suicide Prevention Tools that Can Help Save Lives (by Lisa Firestone, ph.D.)

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(c) By April McCallum, Destiny’s Women™–”Championing the Life, Freedom & Destiny of Women”

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Live Fearless, Live Free.

It has been said that fear is the prison of the heart. Look up, Push forward, keep going, don’t look back, because fear is a liar… and you’ve got better things to do with your life. Don’t give it power, don’t let it hold you down. Keep on dreaming, keep on hoping, keep on praying, keep on believing, keep on living, keep on keeping on, even in the face of fear. Live fearless. Live free. 

The more you are motivated by love, the more fearless and free your actions will be. –Unknown

As fear is a close companion to falsehood, so truth follows fearlessness. –Jawaharlar Nehru

We have to be fearless, we have to take chances. We can’t live just being afraid of what comes next, that’s not what living is about. –Unknown

The thing you fear most has no power. Your fear of it is what has the power. Facing truth really will set you free. –Oprah Winfrey

Courage is never to let your actions be influenced by your fears. –Arthur Koestler

When we love, we are courageous; and courage has nothing to do with being fearless, it’s about being willing to experience fear, even dread, to do what we must, without guarantee of outcome. –Vanna Bonta

Fear cannot take what you do not give it. –Christopher Coan

There is only one you for all time. Fearlessly you. –Anthony Rapp

Courage is fear that has said its prayers. –Dorothy Bernard

Let us not pray to be sheltered from dangers but to to be fearless when facing them. –Rabindranath Tagore

Be fearless, create your own world with courage. –Unknown

I have a lot of things to prove to myself. One is that I can live my life fearlessly. –Oprah Winfrey

The ground of fearlessness is fear. In order to be fearless, you have to stand in the middle of your fear. –Larry Rosenberg

I am afraid yet fearless. For fearlessness is not the absence of fear, but the bravery to do it anyways. –Unknown

Do you think courage means being fearless? Or daring? Courage, real courage, is taking three steps when it terrifies you. –Catherine Anderson

Becoming fearless isn’t the point. That’s impossible. It’s learning how to control your fear, and how to be free from it. –Veronica Roth

Fearless is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. –Taylor Swift 

He who fears something gives it power over him. –Moorish Proverb

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself–nameless, unreasoning, unjustified, terror which paralyzes. –Franklin D. Roosevelt

Fear is a poser masquerading as truth. -April McCallum

The wise man in the storm prays to God, not for safety from danger, but for deliverance from fear. –Ralph Waldo Emerson

Be truthful, gentle, and fearless. –Gandhi

There is much in the world to make us afraid. there is much more in our faith to make us unafraid. –Frederick W. Cropp

It’s not what you are that holds you back, it’s what you think you are not. –Denis Waitley

I have accepted fear as a part of life, specifically the fear of change… I have gone ahead despite the pounding in the heart that says: turn back. –Erica Jong

Courage is being scared to death… and saddling up anyway. –John Wayne

Don’t fear failure so much that you refuse to try new things. The saddest summary of a life contains three descriptions: could have, might have, and should have.Louis E. Boone

Look at hopelessness in the face and say: “We are simply not meant to be together.”  Hold courage’s hand and walk away. –Dodinsky

You were put on this earth to achieve your greatest self, to live out your purpose, and to do it fearlessly. –Steve Maraboli

How we handle our fears will determine where we go with the rest of our lives. –Judy Blume

Here’s to all of you who live bold and brave, not because you aren’t afraid, but because you choose to push past your fears in order to live your life more fully, more freely, more alive.

Join me on Twitter @DestinysWomen

(c) By April McCallum, Destiny’s Women™–”Championing the Life, Freedom & Destiny of Women”

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10 Quotes About Love


Love can be intoxicating and illuminating. It can make us dizzy, drive us wild, crazy, or make us sane. Love helps us remember and helps us forget. At times it helps us to feel more, while at other times, it helps us to not hurt quite as much. It helps us to step outside of our small worlds, risk rejection or failure, be our better selves, and to dream bigger and better dreams.

Whether you’re a lover, friend, parent, teacher or an advocate, love never {ever} fails. Here are ten quotes about love:

“Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity.”  –Henry Van Dyke

“It’s not how much we give but how much love we put into giving.” –Mother Teresa

“The love we give away is the only love we keep.” –Elbert Hubbard

“Where there is great love, there are always miracles.” –Willa Carter

“To love abundantly is to live abundantly, and to love forever to live forever.” –Henry Drummond

“Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get, only with what you are expecting to give– which is everything.” –Katherine Hepburn

“Love does not dominate, it cultivates.”  –Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

“Love is the master key that opens the gates of happiness.”  –Oliver Wendell Holmes

“Who so loves believes the impossible.” –Elizabeth Barrett Browning

“You’ve gotta dance like there’s nobody watching,
Love like you’ll never be hurt,
Sing like there’s nobody listening,
And live like it’s heaven on earth.” –Willliam W. Purkey

Love is a powerful potion that should be celebrated every day, not just on Valentine’s Day! Now go out and share some with someone you love.

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(c) By April McCallum, Destiny’s Women™ – “Championing the Life, Freedom & Destiny of Women”

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10 Quotes about Forgiveness

Unforgiveness morphs people. It can literally alter the prism through which we view life, people, circumstances, and truth. It has the power to twist reality and make things or people appear to be different than they actually are. It stunts our creativity and dreams. It robs us of our joy and peace. It can restrict our thinking, harden hearts, ruin relationships, and diminish opportunities; all of which serve to punish us.

Chronic anger, resentment and unforgiveness cripple a person. They place us in mental and emotional strangleholds that keep us in neutral, disabling us from moving forward. We can become fixated with the past instead of living in the present and thinking about the future.

So, why would anyone intentionally hold on to something so destructive?  Many people are afraid to let go and forgive because they feel it might somehow erase the wrong that was done to them. If they forgive, they fear it will somehow diminish the wrong, or condone the hurtful behavior. It’s as if to say they are giving a pass to the perpetrator.

But that’s not what forgiveness is about. Forgiveness is more about the wounded than the one who wounded. It is possible for us to choose to forgive wrongs even when the perpetrator doesn’t take responsibility and acknowledge their wrongdoing, or worse, isn’t even sorry. So how does that work?

It comes down to choice–something we do have control over. We choose to live our own life free from the bondage of unforgiveness. We choose to not allow the truth of the past (what happened to us), sabotage the truth about our future (the good things that lie ahead). We choose to free ourselves from the power of the one who wounded us. We choose to live in the face of reality. As if to say, “I’m going to live, and love, and move forward, despite what you did to me.

Forgiveness is the key that unlocks the door of resentment and the handcuffs of hatred. It is a power that breaks the chains of bitterness and the shackles of selfishness. -Corrie Ten Boom

We cannot change the past, but we can change our attitude toward it. Uproot guilt and plant forgiveness. Tear out arrogance and seed humility. Exchange love for hate — thereby, making the present comfortable and the future promising. -Maya Angelou

People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway. -Mother Teresa

Put anger aside. It is not a solution. Patience and love is a solution. With compassion and action, together we can end slavery. -Somaly Mam

No one can tell you how long to mourn a death or rage over a rape. But you can’t move forward until you break that chain -Leymah Gbowee

The practice of forgiveness is our most important contribution to the healing of the world. -Marianne Williamson

We plant seeds that will flower as results in our lives, so best to remove the weeds of anger, avarice, envy and doubt, that peace and abundance may manifest for all. -Dorothy Day

Hate is too great a burden to bear. It injures the hater more than it injures the hated. -Coretta King Scott

He who cannot forgive breaks the bridge over which he himself must pass. -George Herbert

To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you. -Louis Smedes

Among those quoted are women who learned—who chose—to forgive the people that severely oppressed them and kept them in bondage. Whether shamelessly abused through sexual slavery, oppressed simply because of their gender or skin color, or as a concentration camp victim-survivor, they overcame because they forgave.

What have you found to be helpful in your own journey to forgive, and to set yourself free?

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(c) By April McCallum, Destiny’s Women™ – “Championing the Life, Freedom & Destiny of Women”

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10 Quotes About Compassion: Living Outside of Yourself

Compassion is defined as sympathetic consciousness of others’ distress together with a desire to alleviate it. The opposite of compassion is mercilessness or indifference. In the words of Ralph Waldo Emerson, “You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late.”

We cannot live only for ourselves. A thousand fibers connect us with our fellow men; and among these fibers, as sympathetic threads, our actions run as causes, and they come back to us as effects. –Herman Melville

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. –Leo Buscaglia

What we have done for ourselves alone dies with us; what we have done for others and the world remains and is immortal. –Albert Pike

If you walk the footsteps of a stranger, you’ll learn things you never knew you never knew. –Pocahontas

To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived–that is to have succeeded. –Ralph Waldo Emerson

The true meaning of life is to plant trees, under whose shade you do not expect to sit. –Nelson Henderson

Walk with the dreamers, the believers, the courageous, the cheerful, the planners, the doers, the successful people with their heads in the clouds and their feet on the ground. Let their spirit ignite a fire within you to leave this world better than when you found it. –Wilfred Peterson

We won’t always know whose lives we touched and made better for our having cared, because actions sometimes have unforeseen ramifications. What’s important is that you do care and you act. –Charlotte Lunsford

If there is any kindness I can show, any good thing I can do to any fellow human being, let me do it now, and not defer or neglect it, as I shall not pass this way again. –William Penn

How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant with the weak and strong, because some day in life you will have been all of these. –George Washington Carver

Let these 10 quotes about compassion serve as a reminder that as members of this family called the human race, we are interconnected and are meant to share in life’s journey. It’s not always the planned or the expected that makes an impact. To the contrary, it is often the simple, small, personal, unanticipated, or seemingly insignificant gifts of compassion that light (or re-light) our hearts on fire. Memories of unexpected kindnesses and the thoughtfulness of both friends and strangers are forever etched on my own heart.

What about you? Maybe you remember a time when a friend or stranger showed you compassion in an unexpected hour. If so, what impression did it leave on your life?  How has it made a difference in your own compassion toward others? 

Join me on Twitter: @DestinysWomen

(c) By April McCallum, Destiny’s Women™ – “Championing the Life, Freedom & Destiny of Women”
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