Overcoming Fear and Worry

 Book Cover - Overcoming Fear and Worry

The good news is, we can decide whether we prefer a life of fear and worry or a life of freedom from fear and worry.

Dr. H. Norman Wright’s book, Overcoming Fear & Worry is broken up into sections that help readers understand fear and worry and how to overcome both. It is an easy-reading book that offers practical ways to challenge and lift readers out of unhealthy and defeatist ways of thinking and behaving. The author discusses the healthy and unhealthy power of fear and the negative impact of worry, including how we view and relate to both, and what we allow or disallow.

The book addresses the causes and effects of fear, and helps readers to take inventory and assess the role allowed and assigned to it. This underscores the importance of how we relate to fear and worry in regard to decision-making and the impact in both pivotal and everyday decisions in our lives.

While fear can be a negative force–debilitating, paralyzing and often the cause of a life of mediocrity, the author says, “Hope is a totally different motivating force—a positive drive. Hope is like a magnet that draws you toward your goal. Hope expands your life and brings a message of possibility and change.”

The author also speaks to the correlation of fear and perfectionism, and “taming the monster of what-ifs”. He clearly discusses our human capacity to analyze, identify and re-train our minds about the thoughts that form beliefs that we eventually act upon.

“The fear of life is actually more debilitating than the fear of death. Fear disables. Fear shortens life. Fear cripples our relationships with others. Fear blocks our relationship with God.”

Readers will learn how the roles of physiology, genetics/biochemistry and personality relate to fear and worry; and, how real or imagined fears and worry play a part in our emotional, spiritual and physical well-being.

The book offers practical advice on how to rearrange destructive “what if” scenarios into potential for positive outcome “what if” scenarios; and replacement thoughts and statements. All meant to help re-align a person’s thinking with reality, logic and/or real possibility.

Unhealthy fears and worry starve our potential and strangulate our freedom keeping us from living our best lives. Learn how to break patterns of fear and worry and re-focus on solutions versus problems from a biblical perspective.

This book is ideal for individuals seeking freedom from the burdens created by fear and worry and as a tool for use in a group study/discussion. It would also work well as a guide or supplement for counseling situations.

About the Author

Dr. H. Norman Wright is a grief and trauma therapist and a licensed marriage, family and child therapist. He has been on the faculty of Biola University and Talbot School of Theology, where he has taught graduate students in counseling and psychology for four decades. He has authored more than 80 books including Experiencing Grief and Recovering from the Losses in Life. 

Join me on Twitter @DestinysWomen

Note: Rose Publishing provided me with an advanced reader copy of this book.

(c) By April McCallum, Destiny’s Women™–”Championing the Life, Freedom & Destiny of Women”

Share

Deeply Hidden Memories

Many deeply hidden memories have come flooding back. The important message here though is that it is possible to heal and survive. Everyone has survived their own kind of emotional or mental trauma. We all have our inner fears and misplaced feelings of guilt. -Lynette Gould, Heart of Darkness: How I Triumphed Over a Childhood of Abuse

Share

Shine Your Light

 

“As we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence actually liberates others.” -Marianne Williamson

 

Share

Freedom Series: Fear To Courage

Unhealthy fear is a liar. If not stopped, it will always seek to bully us into believing lies about ourselves and about others, ultimately morphing our reality. It is a thief. It robs our peace and joy, and in many cases, the faith and courage to follow our dreams and live healthy fulfilled lives. But the worst part about unhealthy fear is that it can become a slave master. Its single focused goal is to destroy the truth and any potential goodness in our lives by disempowering us and holding us captive.

From Fear to Courage is a 96-page minibook that is part of the Freedom Series created by author and popular women’s speaker, Michelle Borquez. Women desperately want to get to the other side of fear, shame, low self-esteem, hopelessness, or any other issue that keeps them from finding their ultimate freedom in life, but often they don’t know how. The book’s authors use biblical truths to guide readers out of their unhealthy fears into a place of understanding, healing, and freedom.

Have you (or someone you know) kept a secret that has bound you in chains, choked off your voice, drowned your hopes, or silenced your dreams?

In Fear to Courage, Kim Vastine shares her personal story of shame, betrayal, loneliness, and anger brought on by childhood sexual abuse perpetrated by an uncle, someone she “should” have been able to trust. Instead, she was lied to, stolen from, and enslaved to her abuser.  Fear became an unwanted and demanding companion. She uses words like torment, pain, fear, and grief to describe how the abuse made her feel.

Adding fuel to the fire, yet another family member compounded her abuse profile. Speaking of her father’s volatile outbursts that would leave the family, “cowering, sobbing, or desperately striving to seem invisible,” she concluded, “as bad as it was physically, emotionally it was worse.” And just when you wonder how much more a child can endure, she tells of yet another abuse in a place she “should” have felt safe and secure.

The images and memories of abuse branded in her mind helped formulate how she saw the world, God, and herself. My voice was silent, but my heart cried out for justice.” Like flecks of emotional shrapnel searing through the skin, unless extracted, they remain embedded in our minds and spirits. In her case, she learned to mask her negative emotions in deceptive and unhealthy ways.

Paige Henderson writes, “When fear dictates, love is silenced.” This booklet invites women to take the critical journey “moving from life-crushing fear to life-changing courage.” None of us can survive without hope or apart from love. She helps readers put fear into perspective. To understand the awe-inspired “fear” of God and positive healthy choices, as opposed to unhealthy fear that distorts truth, steals our voice, and robs us of our intended destiny. Love is more powerful than fear, but as long as we give fear a place, we give it power.

Then she uses examples from the Bible to show the consistency (predictability) of human nature in our reaction to fear: hiding or running in the opposite direction, and then speaks to trust and identity issues and how they inform us on how we relate to ourselves and the world. The heavy burden of abuse and its fallout are real, but remember, we are not alone in the battle. When childhood abuse occurs, children are left to define their trauma through their own experience and feelings, never grasping what it all means and where they fit in the overall scheme of what has happened to them. (Underscore, to them.)

Abused children typically draw conclusions based on false thinking, and as they mature and advance into adult relationships, they act out what they believe. Although a woman’s body matures and changes, for those who have suffered from childhood trauma, their wounded little girl remains still very much a part of them. That little girl is desperate to be loved, feel worthy, and to be seen and heard. She needs healing.

Henderson talks about the significance of fortifying our lives (how we think, feel, and act) in the way we build our life foundations.  How important it is that we build wisely, and with truth, because eventually, we act on what we believe. We live out our lives, based on what we believe to be true. Using a simple Q&A format, she encourages readers to pause and reflect, and then record their thoughts and feelings. The process helps define the root causes of fear and the difference between healthy and unhealthy fears and their effect.

Armed with a healthy understanding about fear, love, and the importance (and power) of taking personal responsibility for our ultimate wholeness and freedom, Sharon Kay Ball rounds out the book with a section called, “Steps to Freedom.” She discusses the devastation of sexual and emotional abuse including disempowerment and trauma. Readers are then given steps to help in the process of healing those broken places.

Victims of abuse will learn how to un-pack and re-pack, so to speak, their belief systems (about truth, themselves, and others), so they can move from fear to courage, and from victim to survivor. That means taking the power away from the perpetrators, and reclaiming it for ourselves. She reminds us that, “secrets only carry power when they are kept secret.” And discusses how to get past self-blame, the importance of not stuffing bad memories, and how to process anger in a healthy way. She also underscores the value of journaling and working with a professional therapist if necessary.

“When fear enslaves us, it paralyzes us and keeps us from having the courage to live out our purpose in life.” –Michelle Borquez

This booklet begins with Kim’s story about sexual and other abuses. Maybe your fears have different origins. But the fact remains: fear is a liar and fear is a thief. Eventually, unhealthy fear becomes a slave master, and until we replace it with truth, it will keep us where we don’t want to be, in a perpetual internal prison.

It’s time to let go of fear and claim your freedom. Commit to the process because you are worth it. Give yourself permission to take the journey that will eventually lead you out of the cage and into your freedom.

Purchase the book: Fear to Courage

You may also be interested in:

Fear is a Liar

20 Quotes about Pushing Past Fear

Live Fearless, Live Free.

Join me on Twitter @DestinysWomen

Note: Rose Publishing provided me with an advanced reader copy of this booklet.

(c) By April McCallum, Destiny’s Women™–”Championing the Life, Freedom & Destiny of Women”

Share

25 Quotes about Anger

“Anger… it’s a paralyzing emotion, you can’t get anything done. People sort of think it’s an interesting, passionate, and igniting feeling. I don’t think it’s any of that. It’s helpless … it’s absence of control, and I need all of my skills, all of the control, all of my powers… and anger doesn’t provide any of that. I have no use for it whatsoever.”  –Toni Morrison

“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.” –Mark Twain

“Don’t hold to anger, hurt or pain. They steal your energy and keep you from love.” –Leo Buscaglia

“It is wise to direct your anger towards problems–not people; to focus your energies on answers, not excuses.” –William Arthur Ward

“Holding anger is a poison. It eats you from inside. We think that hating is a weapon that attacks the person who harmed us. But hatred is a curved blade. And the harm we do, we do to ourselves.” –Mitch Albom

“Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you are.” –Cherie Carter-Scott

“Letting go gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness. If, in our heart, we still cling to anything–anger, anxiety, or possessions–we cannot be free.” –Thich Nhat Hanh

“Malice drinks one-half of its own poison.” –Seneca

“Resentment is an extremely bitter diet, and eventually poisonous.  I have no desire to make my own toxins.” –Neil Kinnock

“For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind.” –Winston Churchill 

“There are two things a person should never be angry at, what he can help and what he cannot help.” –Thomas Fuller

“If  you let anger into your heart, it will push out your ability to love.” –Bree Despain

“Anger does not solve anything; it builds nothing.” –Thomas S. Monson

“Anger is a bad counselor.” –French Proverb

“A man is about as big as the things that make him angry.” –Winston Churchill

“In a controversy, the instant we feel anger, we have already ceased striving for truth and have begun striving for ourselves.” –Abraham J. Heschel

“Anger, resentment, and jealousy doesn’t change the heart of others–it only changes yours.” –Shannon L. Alder

“Consider how much more you suffer from your anger and grief, than from those very things for which you are angry and grieved.” –Marcus Antonius

“Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered” -Proverbs 22:24

“Anger blows out the lamp of the mind.” -Robert G. Ingersoll

“Realize this–your anger with God does not drive a wedge between you and Him. It is your silence that drives the wedge.” –Pauline Creeden

“Let today be the day you stop being haunted by the ghost of yesterday. Holding a grudge & harboring anger and resentment is poison to the soul.” –Steve Maraboli

“If you stay in the company of anger, pain, or hurt, happiness will find someone else to visit.” –Kristen Crockett

“Let us not look back in anger, nor forward in fear, but around in awareness.” –James Thurber

“A heart filled with anger has no room for love.” –Joan Lunden

One of the beautiful things about being human is our ability to express emotions. However, if negative emotions aren’t kept in check, they can get out of control and cause great damage to us and to others. Anger is a good example. 

Of course there are times when all of us feel angry or express a just anger.  We feel those emotions when we are betrayed, falsely accused, or when someone doesn’t keep their promise. Anger rises when we see the deliberate oppression of people or witness abuse. But it’s what we do with that anger that sets our course. It is always possible to turn a negative into a positive. Our actions and attitudes will either free or enslave others and ourselves

Join me on Twitter @DestinysWomen

(c) By April McCallum, Destiny’s Women™ – “Championing the Life, Freedom & Destiny of Women”

Share

Fear is a Liar

A Psychology Today article rightly states, “Fear is a vital response to physical and emotional danger—if we didn’t feel it, we couldn’t protect ourselves from legitimate threats”.  Fear has been described as a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, or pain. Whether real or imagined, fear can produce a sense of panic, dread, or foreboding that can produce thoughts and feelings that are the same–thoughts that are dark, irrational, or debilitating.

Those kinds of fears become burdens that mock us in our private places, causing us to feel impotent, paranoid, or foolish. They are joy killers, dream quellers, saboteurs of freedom, and the enemy of our best selves.

Our minds and emotions are so powerful that they can dictate our attitudes, feelings, and behaviors if we allow them to. That is, how we relate to the world both outside ourselves and inside ourselves. You may have heard the expression: FEAR False Evidence Appearing Real. That is the type of fear that is a liar.

It is the enemy of our potential and our freedom. It limits the oxygen flow to rational thinking and being.  In reality, fear is a poser masquerading as truth. It is an imposter that whispers in the dark telling us we are not able, worthy, relevant, that no one cares about us, or that our dreams don’t matter. Sometimes fear even tells us that we deserve pain or failure. It tries to keep us from living the lives and dreams that we were intended to livefully and wholly alive.

All of us will experience scary and uncertain times. The truth is, there will be challenges and struggles, disappointments and disillusionments in this life. But the good news is, there is hope. Fear in and of itself, is not an end. It is an obstacle, but not an end. Hope says, there is more to this story!

On the flipside of fear, there is life, and joy, and fulfillment. The goal is to keep on keeping on. As Eleanor Roosevelt put it, “to look fear in the face”, taking the courage to keep moving forward, past, or through–but always onward.  Though at times, unhealthy fears will try to bully their way in front of us and block our path, we can choose to ignore them, push past them, and even speak to them—Get out of my way! 

If unhealthy fear, whether real or imagined, is holding you back from a prosperous life, take time to look it in the face. Determine that it will no longer enslave you. Choose what voices you will listen to and which ones you need to shut out. If there are negative relationships that empower your fears and rob you of your peace, it’s time to let go. Time waits for no one. Embrace truth. Your dreams and future await your best you now.

Live the life you’ve imagined.

Breathe deep.

Take courage.

Lace up your wings and fly free!

Join me on Twitter @DestinysWomen

(c) By April McCallum, Destiny’s Women™ – “Championing the Life, Freedom & Destiny of Women”

Share

Quote about Indifference

 

“Not the torturer will scare me, nor the body’s final fall, nor the barrels of death’s rifles, nor the shadows on the wall, nor the night when to the ground the last dim star of pain is hurled, but the blind indifference of a merciless, unfeeling world.” -Roger Waters 

Share
©Destiny's Women™ is a blog founded, written and published by April McCallum -- "Championing the Life, Freedom and Destiny of Women" Creative Commons License
This work by April McCallum is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.