What is Emotional Abuse?

“Emotional abuse is about someone manipulating your emotions on a psychological level” according to Gunta Krumins, BA, PMP, author of The Detrimental Effects of Emotional Abuse

Dr. Steven Stosny, Ph.D. says an emotional abuser controls another person by undermining his or her confidence, worthiness, growth, trust, or emotional stability, or by provoking fear or shame to manipulate or exploit; and that “Emotionally abusive behavior is anything that intentionally hurts the feelings of another person.”

Because of the silent nature of emotional abuse, it’s not untypical for a woman to feel hopeless, depressed, confused and/or trapped. In extreme cases, emotional abusers can break a person’s confidence and spirit to the point they can even convince their victim that they deserve what they get. It is twisted, damaging, and it’s all about control.

Emotional abuse is any nonphysical behavior or attitude that controls, intimidates, subjugates, demeans, punishes or isolates another person by using degradation, humiliation or fear.

Examples of Emotionally Abusive Behaviors:

  • Humiliating, degrading, mocking, bullying 
  • Discounting, distorting, negating, lying 
  • Accusing, blaming, and threatening
  • Isolating the victim from the people and things they care about
  • Deception and manipulating people’s emotions, decisions, and situations
  • Withholding affection and emotional support
  • Withholding financial and practical resources
  • Dismissive, disapproving, or contemptuous looks, comments or behavior
  • Threatening harm to the victim, their family, friends, pets, or possessions

“Emotional abuse seems more personal than physical abuse, more about you as a person, more about your spirit. It makes love hurt.” -Dr. Steven Stosny, Ph.D.

Additional Reading:

Stop the Emotional Abuse

Emotional Abuse: It Hurts When You Love

Quotes From Women Who Have Suffered Emotional Abuse

Join me on Twitter @DestinysWomen

(c) By April McCallum, Destiny’s Women™ – “Championing the Life, Freedom & Destiny of Women”

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God Crazy Freedom

 

In her book, God Crazy Freedom, author Michelle Borquez brings together over 20 real-life stories from women who found freedom. Even after the odds were stacked so high against them, each woman shares her own very personal journey and how she learned to embrace the future in a brand new and liberating way. Michelle has a passion to ignite and inspire women to seek freedom from whatever is blocking their path to wholeness. To not allow their past to define them, but to discover and then live out the dreams and destinies that await them.

 

“There is nothing more powerful than hearing the story of someone who has overcome and is willing to be real and share about it.”  

Words have power. That is one of the reasons that women sharing their stories of hope and freedom can motivate even the weakest and most fearful among us. They can give us courage to choose to really live. To hear of shattered dreams being made whole, deliverance from an abuser, an addiction, or a paralyzing fear; or victory after a devastaing event in someone else’s life means that there is hope for us. In each chapter you will find a “Freedom Story” along with a biblical-based devotional and practical hope-filled action points.

Michelle is also the author of the Freedom Series. A biblical-based series of mini-books that help women find freedom from bondages, abuse, shame, paralyzing fear, rejection, and more. Look for these books as they become available over the next few months.

“We are God Crazy Women who have found hope at the other end of heartbreak, love at the other end of loneliness, and grace at the other end of our garbage. Join us on the journey!” -Michelle Borquez

About the Author

Author Michelle Borquez-Thornton

Michelle Borquez has hosted and co-produced television’s Shine with Michelle Borquez on INSP; and has also hosted and been a featured guest on numerous radio and television shows. She founded and was the Editor-in-Chief of Shine Magazine, a 40,000 subscriber publication for women. Michelle is a prolific writer, coach, public speaker, and a passionate advocate and mentor for girls and women. 

Currently she is CEO of Bella Women Network (launching in June) featuring Shine with Michelle Borquez along with other programs for women, Bella Bella Gifts, and founder and President of the Dream, Hope, Love foundation, a mentoring organization for young girls. Michelle travels and speaks with her God Crazy team of authentic, very cool, amazing women, and lives with her husband Michael and four children in Nashville, Tennessee.

Purchase the bookGod Crazy Freedom 

Learn More: The Freedom Series by Michelle Borquez

Check out Shine With Michelle Borquez and the Bella Women Network, or join her on Twitter @GodCrazy.

Join me on Twitter @DestinysWomen

(c) By April McCallum, Destiny’s Women™ – “Championing the Life, Freedom & Destiny of Women”

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20 Quotes about Pushing Past Fear

Fear is the enemy of our potential and our freedom. Life is full of challenges and struggles, disappointments and disillusionments. But the good news is, even in the midst of the uncertain, scary, or dark times, there is always hope. In reality, fear is a poser masquerading as truth. 

“He who fears something gives it power over him.” –Moorish Proverb

“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself–nameless, unreasoning, unjustified, terror which paralyzes.” –Franklin D. Roosevelt

“Fear is the prison of the heart.” –Anonymous

“We have lived through fear all our lives, and when you have gone through a whole lot of fear, sometimes all you can do is resist the fear, and resistance comes in the form of courage.” –Leymah Gbowee

“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience by which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.'” –Eleanor Roosevelt

“I had to live because I wasn’t going to give my attackers everything.” –Congolese Woman  

“Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it.” –Bill Cosby

“The wise man in the storm prays God, not for safety from danger, but for deliverance from fear.” –Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Feed your courage, starve your fears.” –April McCallum

“There is much in the world to make us afraid. there is much more in our faith to make us unafraid. –Frederick W. Cropp

“Fear cannot take what you do not give it.” –Christopher Coan

“Being afraid is a state of paralysis in which you can’t do anything.” –Marcus Luttrell

“I have learned over the years that when one’s mind is made up, this diminishes fear.” –Rosa Parks

“It’s not what you are that holds you back, it’s what you think you are not.” –Denis Waitley

“I have accepted fear as a part of life, specifically the fear of change… I have gone ahead despite the pounding in the heart that says: turn back.” –Erica Jong

“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit at home and think about it. Go out and get busy.” –Dale Carnegie

“As fear is a close companion to falsehood, so truth follows fearlessness.” –Jawaharlar Nehru

“How we handle our fears will determine where we go with the rest of our lives.” –Judy Blume

“Don’t fear failure so much that you refuse to try new things. The saddest summary of a life contains three descriptions: could have, might have, and should have.” –Louis E. Boone

“The thing you fear most has no power. Your fear of it is what has the power. Facing truth really will set you free.” –Oprah Winfrey

Fear tries to keep us from living the lives and dreams that we were intended to live–fully and wholly alive. It is a liar and a dream killer. Fear in and of itself is not an end. It is an obstacle, but it is not an end. Hope says, there is more to this story!

Related Article: “Fear is a Liar”

Join me on Twitter @DestinysWomen

(c) By April McCallum, Destiny’s Women™–“Championing the Life, Freedom & Destiny of Women”

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Fear is a Liar

A Psychology Today article rightly states, “Fear is a vital response to physical and emotional danger—if we didn’t feel it, we couldn’t protect ourselves from legitimate threats”.  Fear has been described as a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, or pain. Whether real or imagined, fear can produce a sense of panic, dread, or foreboding that can produce thoughts and feelings that are the same–thoughts that are dark, irrational, or debilitating.

Those kinds of fears become burdens that mock us in our private places, causing us to feel impotent, paranoid, or foolish. They are joy killers, dream quellers, saboteurs of freedom, and the enemy of our best selves.

Our minds and emotions are so powerful that they can dictate our attitudes, feelings, and behaviors if we allow them to. That is, how we relate to the world both outside ourselves and inside ourselves. You may have heard the expression: FEAR False Evidence Appearing Real. That is the type of fear that is a liar.

It is the enemy of our potential and our freedom. It limits the oxygen flow to rational thinking and being.  In reality, fear is a poser masquerading as truth. It is an imposter that whispers in the dark telling us we are not able, worthy, relevant, that no one cares about us, or that our dreams don’t matter. Sometimes fear even tells us that we deserve pain or failure. It tries to keep us from living the lives and dreams that we were intended to livefully and wholly alive.

All of us will experience scary and uncertain times. The truth is, there will be challenges and struggles, disappointments and disillusionments in this life. But the good news is, there is hope. Fear in and of itself, is not an end. It is an obstacle, but not an end. Hope says, there is more to this story!

On the flipside of fear, there is life, and joy, and fulfillment. The goal is to keep on keeping on. As Eleanor Roosevelt put it, “to look fear in the face”, taking the courage to keep moving forward, past, or through–but always onward.  Though at times, unhealthy fears will try to bully their way in front of us and block our path, we can choose to ignore them, push past them, and even speak to them—Get out of my way! 

If unhealthy fear, whether real or imagined, is holding you back from a prosperous life, take time to look it in the face. Determine that it will no longer enslave you. Choose what voices you will listen to and which ones you need to shut out. If there are negative relationships that empower your fears and rob you of your peace, it’s time to let go. Time waits for no one. Embrace truth. Your dreams and future await your best you now.

Live the life you’ve imagined.

Breathe deep.

Take courage.

Lace up your wings and fly free!

Join me on Twitter @DestinysWomen

(c) By April McCallum, Destiny’s Women™ – “Championing the Life, Freedom & Destiny of Women”

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10 Quotes about The Power of One

You’ve probably heard the expression: “The Power of One”. A less eloquent way of conveying the same idea might be: “Don’t just sit there, do something.”  Many of us are hyper-focused on what’s right in front of our face. In our shortsightedness, we find it easy to fixate on problems rather than solutions. Naturally, the problems then become too big, and solutions seemingly unattainable.  

When it comes to the needs of humanity, our typical response is self-reflecting. We think we can’t make a big enough difference to matter. Imagine throwing pebbles at a water tower. When in reality, it’s simply a matter of adjusting our thinking and our approach to problems.

When we step outside of ourselves, we begin to see ourselves not as the solution, but as part of the solution. Something that is much bigger than “just us”. We are able to imagine positive change and real solutions. Picture a quilt. In and of itself, each part may seem insignificant, but once each individual piece is woven together, we are able to see the bigger picture. We can envision how a solution actually is possible.

I am only one, but I am one.  I cannot do everything, but I can do something.  And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do. -Edward Everett Hale

I wondered why somebody didn’t do something.  Then I realized… I am somebody. -Author Unknown

Each time we stand up for an ideal, or act to improve the lot of others, or strike out against injustice, we send forth a tiny ripple of hope, and crossing each other from a million different centers of energy and daring, those ripples build a current that can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance. -Robert F. Kennedy

The power of one man or one woman doing the right thing for the right reason, and at the right time, is the greatest influence in our society. -Jack Kemp

Do what you can, with what you have, where you are. -Theodore Roosevelt

If you can’t feed a hundred people, then feed just one. -Mother Teresa

Get friends involved. Get the community to take action. Everyone cannot do everything but each of you can do one thing. -Somaly Mam

Nobody made a greater mistake than he who did nothing because he could only do a little. -Edmund Burke

I don’t feel like I’ve done anything extraordinary but take my little light and shine it in darkness. -Leymah Gbowee

How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.  -Anne Frank

These 10 quotes about the power of one are friendly reminders that each of us can make a difference where we are. Waiting until we have all the answers or means is not only impractical, it’s unrealistic. We can only give what is in our hands and in our hearts today. That is our responsibility, that is our privilege.

It’s amazing how once you step out, like-minded people are drawn together. Doors begin to open. Opportunities present themselves. Ideas proliferate. Collaboration is a powerful and rewarding thing when its purpose is to create a better world for those who cannot do it for themselves.

It’s much more fulfilling (and fun) to be a part of positive change, than to sit it out on the sidelines. When you hold back on others, you hold back on yourself. Likewise, when you hold back on yourself, you hold back on others. As Leymah Gbowee suggests, just start by shining your little light… then see what begins to happen.

How are you making a positive impact with what you have, right where you are? Have you found in reaching out to make a difference for others, it made a difference in YOU?

Join me on Twitter @DestinysWomen

(c) By April McCallum, Destiny’s Women™ – “Championing the Life, Freedom & Destiny of Women”

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Leave This World Better…

“Walk with the dreamers, the believers, the courageous, the cheerful, the planners, the doers, the successful people with their heads in the clouds and their feet on the ground. Let their spirit ignite a fire within you to leave this world better than when you found it.”  -Wilfred Peterson

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