25 Quotes about Anger

“Anger… it’s a paralyzing emotion, you can’t get anything done. People sort of think it’s an interesting, passionate, and igniting feeling. I don’t think it’s any of that. It’s helpless … it’s absence of control, and I need all of my skills, all of the control, all of my powers… and anger doesn’t provide any of that. I have no use for it whatsoever.”  –Toni Morrison

“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.” –Mark Twain

“Don’t hold to anger, hurt or pain. They steal your energy and keep you from love.” –Leo Buscaglia

“It is wise to direct your anger towards problems–not people; to focus your energies on answers, not excuses.” –William Arthur Ward

“Holding anger is a poison. It eats you from inside. We think that hating is a weapon that attacks the person who harmed us. But hatred is a curved blade. And the harm we do, we do to ourselves.” –Mitch Albom

“Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you are.” –Cherie Carter-Scott

“Letting go gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness. If, in our heart, we still cling to anything–anger, anxiety, or possessions–we cannot be free.” –Thich Nhat Hanh

“Malice drinks one-half of its own poison.” –Seneca

“Resentment is an extremely bitter diet, and eventually poisonous.  I have no desire to make my own toxins.” –Neil Kinnock

“For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind.” –Winston Churchill 

“There are two things a person should never be angry at, what he can help and what he cannot help.” –Thomas Fuller

“If  you let anger into your heart, it will push out your ability to love.” –Bree Despain

“Anger does not solve anything; it builds nothing.” –Thomas S. Monson

“Anger is a bad counselor.” –French Proverb

“A man is about as big as the things that make him angry.” –Winston Churchill

“In a controversy, the instant we feel anger, we have already ceased striving for truth and have begun striving for ourselves.” –Abraham J. Heschel

“Anger, resentment, and jealousy doesn’t change the heart of others–it only changes yours.” –Shannon L. Alder

“Consider how much more you suffer from your anger and grief, than from those very things for which you are angry and grieved.” –Marcus Antonius

“Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered” -Proverbs 22:24

“Anger blows out the lamp of the mind.” -Robert G. Ingersoll

“Realize this–your anger with God does not drive a wedge between you and Him. It is your silence that drives the wedge.” –Pauline Creeden

“Let today be the day you stop being haunted by the ghost of yesterday. Holding a grudge & harboring anger and resentment is poison to the soul.” –Steve Maraboli

“If you stay in the company of anger, pain, or hurt, happiness will find someone else to visit.” –Kristen Crockett

“Let us not look back in anger, nor forward in fear, but around in awareness.” –James Thurber

“A heart filled with anger has no room for love.” –Joan Lunden

One of the beautiful things about being human is our ability to express emotions. However, if negative emotions aren’t kept in check, they can get out of control and cause great damage to us and to others. Anger is a good example. 

Of course there are times when all of us feel angry or express a just anger.  We feel those emotions when we are betrayed, falsely accused, or when someone doesn’t keep their promise. Anger rises when we see the deliberate oppression of people or witness abuse. But it’s what we do with that anger that sets our course. It is always possible to turn a negative into a positive. Our actions and attitudes will either free or enslave others and ourselves

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(c) By April McCallum, Destiny’s Women™ – “Championing the Life, Freedom & Destiny of Women”

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Verbal Abuse: Don’t Just Stand There, Say Something!


He was raging behind the closed door with a loud dominating voice.  Spewing out hostility, his words pulsated with venom. Like a verbal battering ram, it went on and on and on.  It was like a bad movie, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I wanted to rescue her, she must been terrified!  My heart was pounding, my mind was racing and my stomach was in knots.

What Should I Do?  What Could I Do?

So many thoughts like rapid fire intersected in my mind. Would I make it worse if I got involved?  Was it even my place? After all, they were both adults.  Surely if they knew someone had been a witness to this bullying session, they would be humiliated.

I wondered how often these “private” sessions took place and if they were a routine part of their relationship.

Then, the raging escalated.  The mental gymnastics of balancing discretion and reason were abruptly interrupted by reality.  My mind raced even more imagining what might come next — a verbal assault upgraded to a physical assault.  She whimpered and pleaded in what seemed like a tiny helpless voice, and I feared for her safety. Something inside me switched. Suddenly all reasoning and caution were thrust aside. I couldn’t stand it any longer.

There’s a time to get involved, and this was it.  I had to step over that line…

There was no stopping me.  Placing both hands palm out, I slammed the door open.  It was as if I had supernatural strength.  The abuse was going to stop, and it was going to stop right then! Startling the abuser, I pointed my finger in his face and yelled: “Stop! You leave her alone, or I’ll call the police!”  That was enough to shock him back to his sensibilities and halt the immediate threat. 

 

It’s always easier to do nothing because we don’t want to rock the boat.  

Even in that lightening speed process, I still took a moment to ask myself the question: “If I choose to get involved, will I risk my future relationship with the abuser, or even the victim of the abuse?”  The answer was yes.  I did realize that it might backfire.

If you get involved, it is a risk, but understand, it is a calculated risk. It’s true, you might be shunned for getting involved in someone else’s business. But it might also help to consider what the consequences of inaction might be.  Are we more concerned about the victim or self-preservation?

What we tend to miss, is that the words “someone else’s business” should be read with the quotation marks in place. The truth is, abuse is not just between two people. Abuse affects the lives of the people around them, knowingly or unknowingly.

You don’t just get involved for victim and the abuser, you do it for you.  The reality is, the victim may never leave, and you might risk losing a relationship with the abuser—but either way, you will have to live with yourself and your choices. You don’t have to bust down doors, be wise.

But, Don’t Just Stand There…  Say Something!

It might be intimidating to take a stand for what is right. Your friend or family member may be upset or even hold a grudge, but the message you send when not saying anything is much worse.  We all know the old expression: “Silence speaks louder than words”.  In silence we may be communicating that: abuse is okay, or, whatever happens behind closed doors is your own business.

Domestic Abuse and Violence Against Women is Never Okay!

In my case, it was somewhat surreal especially because no one ever talked about it after the incident. It was almost as if never speaking about it erased or nullified it — as if it never happened. But it did, and I will never forget. 

Even today, years later, the abuse continues to some degree, but I am not sorry that I intervened.  I have to live with my choices.  My choice was to protect, to advocate, to be brave in the face of rage, and to choose love.

Our greatest hope is that intervention will act as a catalyst for change, but we can’t will it to happen.  People–both the abusers and the victims–have to want to change.  I would do the same thing again if the circumstances called for it.  What about you?

© by April McCallum, Destiny’s Women

(Photos by Juin Hoo, Mike GrahamKo_An)

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Domestic Violence — The Girl Next Door

She was in an abusive relationship and I remember her because of how knowing her made me feel. I never knew her name, but I will always remember her face.  She was the girl next door.

She lived with her boyfriend. I’d see them come and see them go. You know his type. He’s charming, smooth and oftentimes, accomplished. He’s the guy that some women wish they could be with because he exudes such self-confidence. He seems like they type of guy who would make a girl feel secure and taken care of.

He was clean cut, tidy in appearance with strong muscles and a winning smile. She was pretty, well dressed, and pregnant.  Being a single woman at the time, I was polite, but kept to myself.

What I didn’t know, was that they had a secret–and I was about to share in it.

One night I heard raised voices through the apartment wall. They were muffled voices that would rise and fall for awhile, and then stop. Then it would start again. I wondered what was happening, but decided it really wasn’t my business. After all, we all have our “things”– things like disagreements and ways of communicating.

Then it happened again. As I was coming out of my apartment one afternoon, I noticed their front door was open a crack, allowing the belligerent sound of his voice to escape.  It made me cringe inside.  Pausing for a moment, I could hear some of his words this time.  He was criticizing her over and over, and when she tried to get him to stop, he went on a mocking tirade.  I wondered how she could stand it. It made me feel uncomfortable just overhearing it. I thought, if they only knew someone could hear them they would be so embarrassed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

That image of a charming guy with a flashy smile who oozed with self-confidence quickly dissolved into a more realistic one of a man who was a controlling, aggressive abuser.

The more of these rants and raves I heard through our shared wall, the more I hoped to evade seeing them.  I painstakingly avoided making eye contact when we passed on the sidewalk. I thought it would make her feel ashamed. It was as if we shared a secret, but I didn’t know if she was aware that I knew.

I particularly recall one really bad night. Once again, I heard the force of his raging voice rising and falling. But this time I also heard her say, “Stop it, stop it, you’re hurting me!” He would just laugh and keep at her. I pressed my ear up against the wall determined that: If it gets really bad or he threatens her, I will call the police I will be her advocate!

I’d hear a thump here and a bang there and could only imagine that he might have been shoving her or hitting her. It was scary, frustrating and stressful, but I felt like my hands were tied—unless it reached “a certain level”.

 

 

But what was that level?  How can we know when it goes from bad, to really bad, to something we could never imagine? When do we break in and say, “Enough!  Stop!  This isn’t happening!”

I was a single woman and the idea of blowing a whistle on this guy made me afraid for her, but because I lived in such close proximity, it also made me afraid for any possible retaliation. He was such a bully, so controlling and power-hungry. I also knew she was carrying his child. Would it turn up the heat for her, and her baby, if he felt chastised? 


Another day, I pulled into the parking garage about the same time as they did. I was doing the “averting thing”,
but my mind was actively churning about their secret life I had so often been a part of through our shared walls. 

She was pregnant and struggling to get things out of the car and he was obviously ignoring her. I was startled when Mister Big Man on Campus turned and greeted me with a big flashy smile and offered to carry my groceries up the stairs.  He had a way of psychologically toying with her and making her feel small.  You can imagine what I might have liked to say at that moment. It wouldn’t have been very dignified, I’m afraid.

Feeling disgusted, I thought to myself, Who does this guy think he is?  If he only knew that I knew. But then again, maybe his type doesn’t care–probably not. Poor her. Why does she stay?  Is she too afraid to leave him?  Or, does she hate the abuse, but really thinks she loves him, so she tolerates his behavior?

I also thought, I never want her to feel like I’ve given him any reason to flirt with me—or is she use to this?  It was all so uncomfortable. I wanted to tell him where to go and then take her under my wing and comfort her. I wanted to tell her that she deserved better and that she, not to mention her child, didn’t have to live her life with a guy like that.  But I didn’t.  As a matter of fact, we never exchanged words.

We’ve all been the girl next door at some point in our lives. The only question is… which door?

It’s amazing how much we can feel and think about other peoples difficult or abusive situations–but never take action. Never speak a word, never even look in their direction. We isolate and insulate.  But we feel… and we think.  And the sad part is, they may never know it. 

Even if we don’t go so far as to rescue “the girl next door,” whoever she is, wherever she is — might there be a way to let her know that we care and that we are there for her… in case?

Because one day, she may actually decide for herself that she has had enough, that she and/or her baby are worth more, and that she needs our help.  Will we look away, or will we be ready?

© by April McCallum, Destiny’s Women

(Photos by Frederic Lepiedmegyarsh, zaveqnaJ.K. Calish)

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